WALT add details to help our readers understand our story.
I also added interesting words, talking, similes, feelings and thoughts.
I went to the park.
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On a lovely Saturday afternoon my family and I went to the park in our car. The park was in Kaikohe. We went to the park to have fun. I felt pumped to play on the park because I love playing on the swing.
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When we got to the park I saw lots of things to play on.
I said to myself, “Hmmm which one should I play on first?” I said, “Yes I can play on the swing.”
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The first thing I did at the park was to play on the swing. I was swinging higher and higher like a monkey swinging on a branch.
I felt happy and thrilled.
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Next I zoomed to the monkey bars. It was a blazing hot day.
I said, “Mum look at me, I’m going back and forwards. She said, “Cool.” I felt like it was my birthday.
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After that I went to play on the swing again. It was fun on the swing. I felt happy and excited when we were playing at the park in Kaikohe.
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