WALT add details to help our readers understand our story.
I also added interesting words, talking, similes, feelings and thoughts.
I went to the park. 
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On a lovely Saturday afternoon my family and I went to the park in our car. The park was in Kaikohe.  We went to the park to have fun. I felt  pumped to play on the park because I love playing on the swing. 
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When we got to the park I saw lots of things to play on. 
I said to myself, “Hmmm which one should I play on first?” I said, “Yes I can play on the swing.” 
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The first thing I did at the park was to play on the swing. I was swinging higher and higher like a monkey swinging on a branch.  
I felt happy and  thrilled. 
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Next I zoomed to the monkey bars. It was a blazing hot day. 
I said, “Mum look at me, I’m going back and forwards. She said, “Cool.” I felt like it was my birthday. 
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After that I went to play on the swing again. It was fun on the swing. I felt happy and excited when we were playing at the park in Kaikohe. 
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